From carman at jlab.org  Mon Oct 27 14:06:34 2025
From: carman at jlab.org (Daniel Carman)
Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2025 14:06:34 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: OPT-IN:First Study of the Nuclear Response to Fast Hadrons via Angular Correlations between Pions and Slow Protons in Electron–Nucleus Scattering
Message-ID: <20251027180634.8715825B99@clasweb-2015.jlab.org>

Dear Sebouh et al.,

I have read through the draft of your paper on the nuclear response to fast hadrons in eA
scattering. I include my comments below. Good luck with your path to publication.

If you have any questions, let me know.

Regards,
Daniel
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
General:
 - Please provide the supplemental material that is referenced as part of this paper. This should
   be made available as part of this review. I will read it and provide comments.

Page 1:
 - Remove "Version 5" after the title.

Page 2:
 - Line 74. Use "The CLAS detector [25] was based on ...".
 - Line 75. Use "... which defined six ...".
 - Line 83. Use "... made negatively charged particles ...".

Page 3:
 - The definition of $\Delta \phi$ in line 130 is out of place and makes the flow awkward. I
   suggest that you move this text until after Eq.(2). I suggest moving it to line 143 where
   you should use "... a leading $\pi^+$, and $\Delta \phi \equiv \phi_\pi - \phi_p$ is the
   azimuthal separation between the pion and proton, as defined around the momentum-transfer
   axis.".
 - Add a comma after Eq.(2) for proper punctuation.
 - Line 147. Use "($\pi/8$ and 0.5, respectively)".
 - Line 150. Use "... using Monte Carlo (MC) simulations.".
 - Add a comma after Eq.(3) for proper punctuation.
 - Line 160. Typo on "where".
 - Line 178. No period after Section heading.

Page 4:
 - Line 199. Use "although" (though is a colloquialism).
 - Line 208. Use "Figure 2" (starting a sentence - no abbreviations).
 - Line 283. Use "It incorporates nuclear parton distribution functions (PDFs) ..." and
   remove the reintroduction of the definition on line 360.

Page 5:
 - Table 1 caption. Line 3. Use "... systematic uncertainties ...".

Page 6:
 - The key that is randomly located in the fourth row is not appropriate. Incorporate this into
   the caption.
 - Caption Line 1. Use "... within each panel and different ...".

Page 7:
 - Line 316. Use "... which increase as a function ...".
 - Line 360. Use "... modifications to PDFs, fragmentation, ..." (see earlier comment re: PDFs).
 - Line 374. Use "... study that used an ...".

Page 10:
 - Ref. [25] is not a "CLAS Collaboration" paper. It was signed only by a limited number of folks
   who work on the hardware/software.
 - Ref. [34] is a "CLAS Collaboration" paper.


From carman at jlab.org  Tue Oct 28 07:06:16 2025
From: carman at jlab.org (Daniel Carman)
Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2025 07:06:16 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: OPT-IN:First Study of the Nuclear Response to Fast Hadrons via Angular Correlations between Pions and Slow Protons in Electron–Nucleus Scattering
Message-ID: <20251028110616.6DBCE25F49@clasweb-2015.jlab.org>

Dear Sebouh et al.,

I have read through the draft of your supplementary material to support you paper on the 
nuclear response to fast hadrons in eA scattering. I include my comments below.

If you have any questions, let me know.

Regards,
Daniel
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Page 1:
 - Line 12. No colon before equation.
 - Add comma after Eq.(S1) for proper punctuation.
 - Line 14. Use "... function for D and ...".
 - Line 20. Remove spurious space before end of sentence period.
 - Add comma after Eq.(S2) for proper punctuation.
 - Line 34. Do not begin a new paragragh here.

Page 2:
 - Table S1 caption. Line 1. Use "The first number in parentheses is the statistical uncertainty
   and the second represents the systematic uncertainty."

Page 4:
 - Line 51. Use "... previously published di-pion ...".
 - Line 61. No colon before equation.
 - Add comma after Eq.(S5) for proper punctuation.
 - Line 63. Use "... bin and $\Delta \phi_i$ is ...".
 - Add comma after Eq.(S6) for proper punctuation.
 - Add comma after Eq.(S7) for proper punctuation.

Page 5:
 - Line 72. No colon before equation.
 - Add period after Eq.(S10) for proper punctuation.
 - Line 107. Use "... Monte-Carlo (MC) simulations.".
 - Line 110. Use "... reconstructed particle identification of ...".
 - Line 122. Missing closing parenthesis.
 - Add comma after Eq.(S12) for proper punctuation.
 - Line 143. Wrong units on momentum (given your usage throughout).
 - Line 147. Use "... and Pb, respectively.".

Page 6:
 - Line 163. Use "... is in parentheses.".
 - Line 165. Use "... for Fe, and around ...".
 - Add comma after Eq.(S18) for proper punctuation.
 - Line 175. Missing space before "$\epsilon_p$".
 - Line 191. Use "systematic uncertainty".
 - Line 201. Use "... varying from 0.6 to 1.4.".
 - Line 210. Use "systematic uncertainty".

Page 7:
 - Line 214. Use "... 5 values for the width, ...".
 - Line 225. Use "systematic uncertainty".
 - Line 235. Use "... only cut variation that had an impact on the correlation function
   comparable to the statistical ...".
 - Line 238. Use "... transverse momentum.".
 - Line 278. Use "... then the average ...".
 - Line 289. Use "... in our MC simulations.".

Page 8:
 - Line 334. Missing closing parenthesis on "(see Fig. S1)".
 - Line 335. Use "... of the target look very ...".