<html><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; "><br><div><table class="MsoNormalTable" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" style="white-space: nowrap; "><tbody><tr><td nowrap="" valign="top"></td><td></td></tr><tr><td nowrap="" valign="top"><p class="MsoNormal" align="center"><b>Golf Jokes:</b><o:p></o:p></p><div><blockquote><div><div><div><p class="MsoNormal" align="center"><b><i>A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!<br><br>"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.<br><br>The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.<br><br>His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.<br><br>"I'm dying here and you're putting?"<br><br>"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.<br><br>"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.<br><br>"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."<br>___________________________<br><br>A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"<br><br>Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."<br>___________________________<br><br>A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"<br><br>The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"<o:p></o:p></i></b></p></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" align="center"><b><i>The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."<br><br>The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.<br><br>The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."<br>___________________________<br><br>Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.<br><br>The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"<br><br>"Yes" says the woman.<br><br>"Did you hit him with that golf club?"<o:p></o:p></i></b></p></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" align="center"><b><i>"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.<o:p></o:p></i></b></p></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" align="center"><b><i>"How many times did you hit him?"<o:p></o:p></i></b></p></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" align="center"><b><i>"I don't know -- put me down for a five."<br>___________________________<br><br>A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through.<br><br>Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.<br><br>As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"<br><br>The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?<br>___________________________<br><br>The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.<br><br>She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"<br><br>He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"<o:p></o:p></i></b></p></div></div></div></blockquote></div><div><div id=":fu"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"></div></div></td></tr></tbody></table><div><br></div></div></body></html>