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We need less rain, and more golf!<br>
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<div><b>The
Gospel
According to
St. Titleist<br>
<br>
</b> <br>
<b>1..
Eighteen holes
of match play
will teach you
more about
your foe than
18 years of
dealing with
him across a
desk. --
Grantland Rice<br>
</b> <br>
<b>2.. Golf
appeals to the
idiot in us
and the child.
Just how
childlike golf
players become
is proven by
their frequent
inability to
count past
five. -- John
Updike<br>
</b> <br>
<b>3.. It is
almost
impossible to
remember how
tragic a place
the world is
when one is
playing golf.
-- Robert Lynd<br>
</b> <br>
<b>4. If
profanity had
any influence
on the flight
of the ball,
the game of
golf would be
played far
better than it
is. -- Horace
G. Hutchinson<br>
</b> <br>
<b>5.. They
say golf is
like life, but
don't believe
them. Golf is
more
complicated
than that. --
Gardner
Dickinson<br>
</b> <br>
<b>6.. If a
lot of people
gripped a
knife and fork
as poorly as
they do a golf
club, they'd
starve to
death. -- Sam
Snead<br>
</b> <br>
<b>7.. Golf is
a day spent in
a round of
strenuous
idleness. --
William
Wordsworth<br>
</b> <br>
<b>8.. If you
drink, don't
drive. Don't
even putt. --
Dean Martin<br>
</b> <br>
<b>9.. If you
are going to
throw a club,
it is
important to
throw it ahead
of you, down
the fairway,
so you don't
have to waste
energy going
back to pick
it up. --
Tommy Bolt<br>
</b> <br>
<b>10. Man
blames fate
for all other
accidents, but
feels
personally
responsible
when he makes
a hole-in-one.
-- Bishop
Sheen<br>
</b> <br>
<b>11. I don't
say my golf
game is bad,
but if I grew
tomatoes
they'd come up
sliced. --
Arnold Palmer<br>
</b> <br>
<b>12. My
handicap?
Woods and
irons. --
Chris Codiroli<br>
</b> <br>
<b>13. The
ardent golfer
would play
Mount Everest
if somebody
would put a
flag stick on
top. -- Pete
Dye<br>
</b> <br>
<b>14.. I'm
hitting the
woods just
great; but
having a
terrible time
getting out of
them! -- Buddy
Hackett<br>
</b> <br>
<b>15. The
only time my
prayers are
never answered
is playing
golf. -- Billy
Graham<br>
</b> <br>
<b>16. If you
think it's
hard to meet
new people,
try picking up
the wrong golf
ball. -- Jack
Lemmon<br>
</b> <br>
<b>17. It's
good
sportsmanship
to not pick up
lost golf
balls while
they are still
rolling. --
Mark Twain<br>
</b> <br>
<b>18. Don't
play too much
golf. Two
rounds a day
are plenty. --
Harry Vardon -<br>
</b> <br>
<b>19. Golf
and sex are
the only
things you can
enjoy without
being good at
either of
them. -- Jimmy
DeMaret<br>
</b> <br>
<b>20. May thy
ball lie in
green
pastures, and
not in still
waters. -- Ben
Hogan<br>
</b> <br>
<b>21. If I
hit it right,
it's a slice.
If I hit it
left, it's a
hook. If I hit
it straight,
it's a
miracle. --
Anon<br>
</b> <br>
<b>22. The
difference in
golf and
government is
that in golf
you can't
improve your
lie. -- George
Deukmejian<br>
</b> <br>
<b>23. Golf is
a game
invented by
the same
people who
think music
comes out of a
bagpipe. --
Lee Trevino<br>
</b> <br>
<b>24. Reason
they call it
golf is cuz
all the other
four-letter
words were
taken. --
Woody Woodbury<br>
</b> <br>
<b>Finally:<br>
</b> <br>
<b>25. The
No.#1 Golf
rule you MUST
follow: take
the car keys
out of your
golf bag
before you
throw it into
the creek.</b></div>
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