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<div><strong><span style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; COLOR: black">T</span></strong><strong><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 18pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">he Golf Gospel
According to St. Titleist *</span></strong><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> </span></div>
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<div class="aolmail_x_MsoNormal" style="BACKGROUND: white"><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">1. Eighteen holes
of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years
of dealing with him across a desk.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE:
10pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Grantland Rice</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">2. Golf appeals to
the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players
become. This is proven by their frequent inability to count past
five.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
John Updike</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">3. It is almost
impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one
is playing golf.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt;
FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Robert Lynd</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">4. If profanity had
any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would
be played far better than it is.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE:
10pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Horace G. Hutchinson</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt;
FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">5. They say golf is
like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated
than that.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Gardner Dickinson</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt;
FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">6. If a lot of
people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf
club, they'd starve to death.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE:
10pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Sam Snead</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">7. Golf is a day
spent in a round of strenuous idleness.</span><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
William Wordsworth</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt;
FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">8. If you drink,
don't drive. Don't even putt.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE:
10pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Dean Martin</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">9. If you are going
to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down
the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to
pick it up.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Tommy Bolt</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">10. Man blames fate
for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when
he makes a hole-in-one.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt;
FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Bishop Sheen</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">11. I don't say my
golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.</span><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Arnold Palmer</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">12. My handicap?
Woods and irons.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt;
FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Chris Codiroli</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">13. The ardent
golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag
stick on top.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Pete Dye</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">14. I'm hitting the
woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of
them!</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Buddy Hackett</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">15. The only time
my prayers are never answered is playing golf.</span><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Billy Graham</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">16. If you think
it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf
ball.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Jack Lemmon</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">17. It's good
sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are
still rolling.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Mark Twain</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">18. Don't play too
much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.</span><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Harry Vardon</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">19. Golf and sex are
the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of
them.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Jimmy DeMaret</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">20. May thy ball
lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.</span><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Ben Hogan</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">21. If I hit it
right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit
it straight, it's a miracle.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt;
FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Anon</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">22. The difference
in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your
lie.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
George Deukmejian</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt;
FONT-FAMILY: "Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">23. Golf is a game
invented by the same people who think music comes out of a
bagpipe.</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Lee Trevino</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">24. Reason they
call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words were taken.</span><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> --
Woody Woodbury</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">Finally:</span><span
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black"> <br>
<br>
</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY:
"Arial",sans-serif; COLOR: black">25. The No.#1 Golf
rule you MUST follow: Take the car keys out of your golf bag
before you throw it into the creek.</span></div>
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