[jlab-9hgl 01389] golf quotes

[machie]

*T**he Golf Gospel According to St. Titleist **
1.  Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 
18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
                 -- Grantland Rice

2.  Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child.  Just how childlike 
golf players become. This is proven by their frequent inability to count 
past five.
                 -- John Updike

3.  It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is 
when one is playing golf.
                 -- Robert Lynd

4.  If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game 
of golf would be played far better than it is.
                 -- Horace G. Hutchinson

5.  They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.  Golf is more 
complicated than that.
                 -- Gardner Dickinson

6.  If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a 
golf club, they'd starve to death.
                 -- Sam Snead

7.  Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
                 -- William Wordsworth

8.  If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt.
                 -- Dean Martin

9.  If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead 
of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back 
to pick it up.
                 -- Tommy Bolt

10.  Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally 
responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
                 -- Bishop Sheen

11.  I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come 
up sliced.
                 -- Arnold Palmer

12.  My handicap? Woods and irons.
                 -- Chris Codiroli

13.  The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a 
flag stick on top.
                 -- Pete Dye

14.  I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time 
getting out of them!
                 -- Buddy Hackett

15.  The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
                 -- Billy Graham

16.  If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong 
golf ball.
                 -- Jack Lemmon

17.  It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they 
are still rolling.
                 -- Mark Twain

18.  Don't play too much golf.  Two rounds a day are plenty.
                 -- Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at 
either of them.
                 -- Jimmy DeMaret

20.  May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
                 -- Ben Hogan

21.  If I hit it right, it's a slice.  If I hit it left, it's a hook.  
If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
                 -- Anon

22.  The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't 
improve your lie.
                 -- George Deukmejian

23.  Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes 
out of a bagpipe.
                 -- Lee Trevino

24.  Reason they call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words 
were taken.
                 -- Woody Woodbury

Finally:

25.  The No.#1 Golf rule you MUST follow:  Take the car keys out of your 
golf bag before you throw it into the creek.
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